Note #4 — Running on 2% and Existential Dread

I think the past few days I may have been a little depressed. There’s too much to do, too much information coming at me from every direction, and my greatest enemy refuses to take even a coffee break: time.

Life really does move fast. It feels like just yesterday I was an 8-year-old kid running through the narrow old streets of Soledade de Minas, with scraped knees, no deadlines, and absolutely no idea how expensive groceries would one day become.

Some days I feel tired, weak, and completely out of gas, like my soul is running on 2% battery and somehow still expected to open twelve tabs and answer emails. I’ve accomplished a lot, and yet that “a lot” somehow feels like an infinite nothing. It’s almost impressive, in a deeply insulting way.

I don’t have answers for most things. What I do have is a growing collection of doubts, questions, and existential side quests. The uncertainties of life keep chewing on me like they paid rent.

And I can’t help wondering: in the end, was any of it really worth it?

Maybe what I need is a new mess. A new challenge. A fresh problem to wrestle with. The sea has been a little too calm lately, and apparently my brain only feels alive when there’s at least a small shipwreck on the horizon.